Happiness vs. Acceptance
People often struggle with
bad, sad, uncomfortable feelings which they identify as the opposite of
happiness. Many believe that having these feelings identifies them as having
some internal flaw. They believe that there is something inherently wrong with
them if they are not happy. Let’s take a look at the three most popular perspectives
on happiness and how a particular type of therapy --Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ( ACT), can help you comfortably accept negative feelings
without judgement.
Judaeo-Christian: The Judaeo-Christian story of
creation posits an initial state of perfection that was all good; there was no
pain and no evil. But Adam and Eve eating the apple, bit into knowledge
and destroyed that idyllic world. Thus, we started out living in a world free
from suffering but our actions created the current world of pain. Other
religions similarly argue that the world was once pure, but now is impure
and base, having moved away from the initial state of perfection. If you
believe this view, then your life will be dedicated to becoming as pure and as
good as you once were. You will identify many of your thoughts and feelings as
being evil and caused by the first sin committed by Adam and Eve. These
thoughts and feelings will be seen as dangerous and you will try to contain
them, control them, or annihilate them. If you are able to control these evil
thoughts and feelings, then you will get closer to that initial state of
perfection, which will lead to being happy.
Hedonistic: Hedonism states that happiness is the normal resting state of individuals and if we are
not feeling happy, there is something wrong with us. Negative emotions are seen
as a sign of individual failure and error. Therefore, this popular view of
happiness propels us to constantly identify moments of unhappiness and attempt
to change those moments to ones of happiness. When we are unable to do
that, we believe that we are in some way flawed and imperfect. If you believe
this perspective, you will put great effort to change these negative feelings
of discomfort into positive ones. You will create an internal battle with
yourself trying to forcibly change the unpleasant into pleasant.
Buddhism: This view accepts
that the normal, resting state of humans is pain and
suffering. Buddhism posits that we develop illusions and biases and it is up to us to break out of the illusion, see the world as it really is and thus find inner
peace and contentment. Believe this worldview and you will accept that moments
of displeasure, distress, unhappiness, and struggle are part of the human
condition.
Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy (ACT
therapy) focuses on NOT changing the feelings, but on how you react to them. Constantly judging the world (and ourselves) to be
right/wrong, good/bad creates a constant state of tension. This is the critical
difference. If we accept those feelings as being part of life, then we are not
flawed or imperfect, we are simply human. ACT
THERAPY offers us a way to relate to our thoughts and feelings that is functional, not destructive. The tools
and strategies of ACT THERAPY (some of which are borrowed from Buddhist
philosophy) can help us break some of the biases,
accept the world as it is, and in so
doing, help us live with greater contentment and inner peace.
