We use the wrong tool to manage our internal world of feelings and thoughts. This tool works extremely well in the external world--we use it to break a problem down to its parts, plan for the future, create new possibilities, etc. But this same tool has serious limitations when used to manage, direct, limit, and control our internal world. This tool is language.
A problem in the external world, such as a locked entry to a building, lends itself well to the linear, logical, and analytical aspect of language. With language we create possible scenarios to solve the problem; search for another door, call the building manager, call out for someone to come to the door, pound on the doors. But when we try the same approach to internal experiences we enter into a battle that takes no prisoners.
Language traps us into a fight with our emotions and thoughts. Once we decide we do not like or approve of a certain thought or feeling, we enter into a struggle to manage what we are experiencing and by so doing we become stuck.
Private events, that is, anything that happens in our internal world, must be accepted. Having internal reactions to the world we live in is natural. Just like the dog or the horse cannot will itself not to have a reaction to a cat or a snake, we cannot will ourselves not to have a negative reaction or an unpleasant thought.
The tyranny of language is that it attempts to get rid off, manage, or control the unpleasant internal experience. At that point we become stuck. We are in full armour and at war with ourselves.
Accepting the negative feelings or the "dark" thought is the first critical step in living with less suffering. In fact, the new therapy I am talking about called ACT ( Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) believes that many mental problems come from this tendency to avoid negatively evaluated events.
Accepting the myriad negative feelings and thoughts is an acceptance of our basic human nature... coupled with the humble awareness that there are things that we do not control.
